1. Wake up late for the second morning in a row, cursing the early introduction of Daylight Saving Time, knowing you have to do the following before leaving for work:
a. Make sure husband has signed the post office "You missed a package delivery" notification slip and put down you as the authorised agent to pick up said package at the world's most annoying post office;
b. Discover that said husband has not signed name in the area you carefully circled the night before, but next to the big X on the other side of the page;
c. Call said husband and leave an annoyed, pre-coffee message explaining that he signed the wrong part;
d. Make sure you have copy of marriage license, in addition to picture ID and incorrectly signed package slip, since you have different last names, and the last time you went to the post office to pick up a package for said husband two days before Christmas the overworked postal worker yelled at you and told you you could be anyone trying to pick up what turned out to be a miniature fake tree that was supposed to be a whimsical invitation to a New Year's Eve party;
e. Remember the bag with two packages that said husband also needs to have mailed at the post office. Fortunately, said packages are already stamped.
2. Walk six blocks to post office. As you are passing the bank, realise that you need to speak to the bank manager (for the second time) about the $50 Amex gift card promised to you as an award for opening an account in 2006, which you never received but for which you received a tax statement.
3. At the bank, you wait, pacing, while a man explains is broken English to the bank manager that there must be some mistake about his $4300 overdraft. Finally, you are able to speak to the bank manager, who remembers you, expresses apparently genuine dismay that the problem was not resolved when you spoke to him last month, and promises that it will be straightened out by 6pm tonight.
4. You make you way to the post office, and get on line, with six people in front of you. There are two windows open, one of which is occupied by the man speaking broken English from the bank, who is insisting that he be allowed to add his name to a postal box, since he receives very important mail. You wonder whether it was a $4300 check that went astray.
5. You finally get to the window, where you present the package slip, your driver license, and the copy of your marriage certificate. You watch as the clerk looks at the marriage certificate in bewilderment for at least a minute. Finally, you say, well, since the package is for my husband - "oh!" She interrupts. "This is a registered package. I must see his ID." You scratch your head in mounting rage. The package notification slip says nothing about requiring the ID of the person to whom the package is addressed. "So does he need to come back?" I ask. "No," she replies. I only need to see his ID." "So I can come back with a photocopy of his driver's license?" "No. No photocopies. You can bring his driver's license, passport, whatever. If you come back today I will be here, and you can come directly to my window without waiting on line." Ok, so she was reasonably pleasant.
6. You leave the post office, gibbering into the phone in a rage. You go up the subway stairs, and your rage increases exponentially the moment you realise that because it is suddenly warmer than it should be, you switched jackets this morning, but left your Metrocard and your work ID in the pocket of the heavy winter coat you have been wearing until now because until yesterday it was hovering around January lows at midday.
7. You storm down the stairs on the other side of the subway station, still gibbering and cursing into the phone. Your husband is getting tired of listening to your rage, but you explain that you are not mad at him, but if you don't gibber into the phone, you will punch a light pole and break your hand.
8. You dump the two other packages you forgot to mail while at the post office into the first corner mailbox that you see, because you know you are not going to be going back to the post office that day. You make your way the five blocks back home.
8. As you walk in the door, slightly calmed down, you realise that since you are back home, you might as well pick up your husband's passport and tackle the post office once again.
9. On your way back to the post office, you pass the bank for the second time, and suddenly realise that you have been walking around with several hundred dollars in checks to deposit for at least a week. You go inside the bank, give a harried smile to the bank manager, who says, "what, you're back?" You end up telling him the whole story after you deposit the checks. He smiles in sympathy and says, well, at least the day has to get better, right? Right.
10. You make your way back to the post office, and go back to the window with the semi-sympathetic clerk. You wait as a woman purchases $3000 in money orders and wants to know the pricing for various express mail options to Jamaica.
11. You finallly go up to the window, presumably angering the six other people on line, but not caring, because the woman told you to. You hand her your husband's passport and the package slip, and smile slightly, tensely, finally, when she returns from the back room out of which New Order is blaring, with the small envelope from Hong Kong.
